The Trials of Bedtime and a Good, Stiff Drink

We are all slowly adapting to life as we now know it with our latest family addition. Sophia has been doing awesome and loves her little sister, but as expected, has been testing all of our parenting boundaries and rules. In my pop psychology, touchy-feely, I've-read-all-the-right-books, birth prep class intellect I know that this phenomenon is called "normalizing" but the rest of me wants to call it "Do as I say or I will shake you like a British nanny!" (That was a joke everybody. It is a little device we call... sarcasm. Please don't call any child protection authorities, ((by the way, Maria doesn't work there anymore.)) I'm not going to shake a specific cute little girl, although it has been very tempting the last few days.)

I have found the perfect device to get me through the preparing-for-bedtime-tribulation. It is called... the evening cocktail, and last night I perfected my recipe. I call it...
The Burning Ring of Fire. It is essentially a tequila martini, and here is the recipe for all you parents of toddlers out there.

The Burning Ring of Fire

1 shot tequila
1 shot vodka
juice of 1/4 lime
1 dash Tabasco Chipotle sauce
1 dash Tabasco Habanero sauce
1 drop liquid smoke (mesquite if you can)
fresh ground pepper
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
slice of lime for garnish

Mix chili powder and salt on shallow plate. Use this mixture to rim a chilled martini glass. In a cocktail shaker toss in ice cubes and add tequila, vodka, lime juice, hot sauces, and liquid smoke. Shake like a disobedient toddler. Pour into martini glass, garish with lime slice, and finish with a smidge of fresh ground pepper on top.

Warning: This is not your average pastel-polo-shirt wussy martini. It does not come with an umbrella. It tastes like kerosene distilled through a sulfur-fired blast furnace. It is deliberately designed to be strong, harsh, and uncomfortable to remind one that just like life, somethings are hard to swallow but the pleasant, lingering warmth afterwards makes it all worthwhile.

Cute Girls and Guns.

Today I was emailed pictures of my 14 year old niece at her junior prom. She looked absolutely stunning and I was once again reminded that all too soon I will be in the position of dealing with prepubescent boys, up to no good, sniffing around my daughters.

Yo, zitface, don't even think about even looking in the direction of one of my little princesses. Or else.

And thanks to our friend Audra, I have a plan. DIY crossbow. Oh yes, my friends, check it out here or here. Apparently, you don't need a license for a crossbow and they leave a much more ragged, brutal, less surgical wound than a 9mm. And isn't that just what you want when dealing with horny teenage boys? This is what the DIY revolution needs. Brutal handmade weapons! To arms comrades! Next target... McDonald's!

The Embodiment of the DIY Spirit

As some of you know, it has been a busy few days around our house. Our daughter Eleanor was born at home at 9:25 pm on Feb 12. We are ecstatic and overjoyed. In a few days the grandparents are going to show up and our house will be baby-centric for quite some time.

So, I wanted to take some time to brag about my eldest daughter Sophia and how awesome she is. On the weekend we were doing some errands and we stopped by the Evil Swedish Empire. They had a special Valentines' Day craft organized for the kids, but rather than let some giant multinational corporation tell us how to have fun, in a flash of parenting genius I took Sophia over to the help-yourself-packaging-and-packing station and we made a very stylish crown for her to wear. Check it out below! She breathes the DIY ethos.

Soph Does It Herself

Sophia stickin' it to the man!

Laptop Techno Will Rule the World.

I finally managed to get my own songs onto this blog. It took me a while and a great recommendation from my friend Ben, the greatest laptop DJ in the world. He specializes in caffeine-fuelled, rain-drenched glitchcore. Check him out here and get your DIY groove on.

So scroll down and click on the mp3 player on the right, download my tunes, and tell all your friends. Rave on!

One Night In Bangkok

I haven't posted for a while and I apologize. So many of you checked out my last BBQ post and left wonderfully kind comments that allowed me to relive all the wonderful meals and memories that we have shared together. Thank you so much. (By the way, Knight TV hasn't called me yet.)

This last week has been insane. Our baby is due in 3 days and I am trying to get as much soap work done as possible before the joyous occasion. When I get really busy, sometimes I forget to eat. I know, it's stupid because I love eating! Somewhere in the insanity I whipped up the greatest Pad Thai ever made by a white guy.

I lost my Pad Thai virginity when I was 19. It was the first time I had ever been in Asia, and I spent an amazing 6 weeks in Bangkok that changed my entire world, and most importantly, my tastebuds forever (the 4 days straight of heartburn were worth it!) Of course, Thai food tastes best in Thailand and everything else just pales in comparison. Until you can save up enough pennies to get to the best eating in the world, this recipe will have to do.

A big sloppy kiss for anyone who knows who this dude is.

Ingredients
Sauce
1 oz tamarind paste
1/4 cup warm water
1/2 cup ketchup
1/4 cup fish sauce
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup rice cooking wine
1 tablespoon sesame oil
2 tablespoons molasses
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 can tomato paste
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar
juice and zest of 1 lime
2 stalks lemongrass smashed
5 kaffir lime leaves.

Stir fry stuff
1 pack rice stick noodles
chicken, cut to stir fryability
handful of shrimp
1 block firm tofu, cubed
4 cloves garlic, crushed
1 huge thumb ginger
1 onion
4 green onions, chopped
2 eggs

Garnish
beansprouts
fist of cilantro, chopped
lime wedges
crushed peanuts

Soak noodles in plenty of cold water for at least 1 hour.

Combine tamarind paste with a 1/4 cup hot water in a small bowl and let soak for at least 15 minutes. Mash it and transfer the mud-like mixture to a strainer set into a bowl. Mash and push with a spoon, forcing liquid to strain into the bowl. Scrape off the juice that clings to the underside of the strainer. You will have about 5 tbsp of tamarind juice. Add to all the other sauce ingredients and simmer in small saucepan.

Heat oil in a wok. Add garlic, ginger and stir, letting it cook for about 30 seconds. Add chicken and stir-fry for 1 minute. Add onion, green onion, tofu and shrimps and stir-fry for 1 more minute. Break eggs into wok and let them fry without breaking them up for 1-2 minutes.

While eggs cook, quickly drain the noodles and then add to wok, giving them a quick fold, stir-frying for 1 minute from the bottom up. Continue stir-frying, mixing everything together for 1-2 minutes. Add all the sauce. Stir-fry for 30 seconds and take off heat.

Transfer to a serving dish and sprinkle with beansprouts, ground peanuts, and chopped cilantro. Stick a couple of lime wedges on the side and serve immediately.

Serve, eat, repeat.

The glories of BBQ.

The other day my brother-in-law forwarded me an email about auditioning to be the next TV BBQ guru for a new show that is being developed by the same production company that has already made some great shows for the Food Network. The company is Knight TV and they are responsible for The Great Canadian Food Show, License to Grill, Cook Like a Chef, and This Food That Wine. Check it all out here.

Anyway, is seems to me that I was born for this exact gig, so I sent them an audition tape. Then I started getting all philosophical about why I love to BBQ and I wanted to share these happy thoughts with y'all.

I love to BBQ because I believe it is the fastest and most reliable method of producing guaranteed warm-fuzzy eating memories with people that you love. I mean, that is essentially why I cook. Sure it all tastes great, but I do it because food is the currency that we trade in exchange for the services rendered of unforgetable memories, quality conversation, and the shared joy of time spent together. Culture, life, love, family, celebration, and the entire fabric of our society all happen around the kitchen table. BBQ just happens to be one of the best ways to do it.

There is something about the magic alchemy of flame, smoke, and meat that transforms the neurological reaction between the tastebuds and brain into a transcendental glimpse into heaven. But most importantly, BBQ is the food of celebrations, summer, vacations, birthdays, backyard parties, going to the beach, and long weekends. Good BBQ takes careful preparation, diligence, patience, and a lot of love. Hmm, that sounds alot like the real meaning of life, doesn't it?

So friends, I have told the good people at Knight TV to check out this blog to see what I am all about. If I have ever made you amazing BBQ, now is the time that I'm calling in my favours. I want you to leave a comment to this post about the happy memories and great BBQ that you have shared with me. If you don't have a Blogger account you will have to register so that way we all know who you are. Don't worry, that takes way less time than making a good Jerk Chicken marinade. Make sure to add a cool picture of yourself to your Blogger profile so that way when you comment, I can see your pretty face and relive the BBQ good times with you.

Until the next time we grill together...
your friend,

~pwade