My Unfabulous Birthday Continued

So as almost a full week has passed since my birthday, things have continued to suck. My wife, myself, and our 2 little girls are now all sick and I am exhausted from everything that had to be done last week. I think that I am going to call a do-over on this whole birthday thing and plan some amazing celebration when we have all recovered from this crazy thing called life. Maybe in April sometime. On a more positive note, my friend Ryan gave me 2 (count them, 2, not 1, 2) boxes of Captain Crunch for my birthday. Boo ya!
Even though life might be kicking me in the ribs, I still have awesome friends.

Happy Frickin' Birthday to Me!

So friends, yesterday I just got back from Winnipeg where Joanna and I officiated the funeral for our friend Renee and, yes, it was probably the saddest, most depressing thing I have ever done. So needless to say, I really don't feel like a giant celebration today. But of course, the ever so fabulous Sandra has come over to give me my birthday present. Here it is....
Yup. That's a hand blender, a bag of Doritos, and a huge chunk of raw meat. Is she the greatest friend in the world or what?

Bootsy's Crispy Cornmeal Chipotle Waffles

I don't know about y'all, but I am feelin' tha funk! Now, before you chow down on the Ultimate Fried Chicken, you are going to need some WAFFLES for the full experience and all-encompassing good vibrations. This combination and recipe may seem a bit odd to all y'all boring folks who have no funk deep in your soul, but rest assured, this recipe has been thoroughly tested (by skeptics I might add) and these delicious WAFFLES are just what Dr. Bootsy prescribed to deal with your medical condition lack of funkiness.

No need to worry, you're in good hands with Dr. Bootsy

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons instant yeast
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup (1 stick) chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
1 cup grated white extra-sharp cheddar cheese
1 large egg
2 cups buttermilk
1 tablespoon finely minced canned chipotle chiles in adobo*

Directions:
Blend flour, cornmeal, yeast sugar, baking powder, salt, and baking soda in processor. Add 1/2 cup chilled butter; cut in using on/off turns until mixture resembles coarse meal. Or mix by hand using a pastry knife. Add cheese; cut in using on/off turns. Transfer flour mixture to large bowl. Whisk 1 egg in glass measuring cup. Add enough buttermilk to egg to measure 2 cups; stir in chipotles. Make well in center of dry ingredients. Pour buttermilk mixture into well; mix just until evenly moistened.

And there was great rejoicing.

Cover bowl with damp towel, and put in warm location and let batter rise for 3 hours.
When ready, pour a small potion of batter into your waffle iron according to manufacturer's recommendation. My waffle iron uses 1/4 cup/waffle. Cook just until crispy and golden brown. Mine took 3 minutes. Due to the extreme funkiness of the batter, your ready light and the thermometer on your waffle iron might be thrown off. Don't trust it. Be very careful not to overcook. Waffles are best if they are eaten immediately, straight off of the waffle iron while they are crispy.
Serve with...

Jalapeño Maple Syrup
1/4 cup jalapeño jelly
3/4 cup cheap imitation maple syrup

Combine ingredients in small sauce pan and heat. Pour into serving container and slather on absolutely anything that is desperately in need of more funk.

FRIED CHICKEN AND WAFFLES! GET DOWN! UUNNGGH!

Ok, I am worried because I consider it my duty to blog responsibly and look out for the health and welfare of my friends and faithful blog readers. You see, I don't think that your body (or your juicy booty) will be able to withstand the yumminess of the following recipe. I suggest that you use extreme caution and vigilant funkiness when attempting to master the FRIED CHICKEN AND WAFFLES groove. Consider yourself warned. Now go find your platform boots, put on some Parliament Funkadelic, and let's get started...

The Ultimate Fried Chicken
8-10 pieces of chicken
Injection and marinade
2 cups buttermilk
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1 tablespoon Sri Racha hot sauce

Coating
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup cornmeal
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion salt
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 tablespoon pepper
1 tablespoon poultry seasoning
1 teaspoon ground mustard

Wet Dredge
1 egg, beaten
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup of reserved buttermilk marinade

Final Dredge
1 cup Frosted Flakes or Capt. Crunch crumbs
remaining coating mix

oil for frying (peanut oil is great)

I have no idea who these ladies are, but they obviously are craving some ULTIMATE FRIED CHICKEN! UUNGGH!

Mix marinade ingredients together. Using a BBQ injector needle or the scariest horse syringe that you can find, pretend that you are are a stealth assassin and inject the marinade into chicken pieces. Place chicken in glass bowl, cover with remaining liquid and marinade in fridge for at least 4 hours. The longer the better. Pat chicken to dry and reserve leftover marinade.

Combine coating ingredients in large Ziplock bag. Shake to mix well. Place a few pieces of chicken in the bag at a time and seal shut. Turn up the funk. Shake your moneymaker (and the chicken as well) so that the chicken pieces are totally covered with coating. Repeat. Get down. Get back up again. Set chicken aside on a plate while you prepare the wet dredge and save the remaining coating ingredients.

Whisk wet dredge ingredients together in a large bowl. It might foam a bit. Don't panic and twist your ankle in your funky platform boots. Add the cereal crumbs to the coating bag for the final dredge. Now you are going to set up your fried chicken station! UUNNGGH!

Take a piece of coated chicken, dunk it quickly in the wet dredge, shake a few drops off, and then drop it in the coating bag. Seal and shake. Repeat. Stay funky. Once all the chicken is finished the 3 stages of coating, let them dry out a bit at room temperature for 20 min while your frying oil is heating.

Rick knows how to get down with the fried chicken.

Put about 3 inches of oil into a large deep pot; it should not come up more than half way. Heat until oil registers 350 to 365 degrees F on one of those clip-on deep-fry thermometers... CUZ ITS' HOT IN THE HOT TUB! Once the oil is at temperature, working in batches, carefully add the chicken pieces 3 or 4 at a time. Fry, turning the pieces once, until golden brown and cooked through, about 10 minutes. Total cooking time should be about 30 minutes. When the chicken is done, take a big skimmer or tongs and remove the chicken pieces from the pot, shaking off as much oil as you can, and lay it on a tea towel or brown paper bag to soak up the oil. Sprinkle a dusting of cracked black pepper. Repeat with the remaining chicken pieces.

Serve hot, with Bootsy's Crispy Cornmeal Chipotle WAFFLES and Jalapeño Maple Syrup. (Stay tuned for those recipes tomorrow...)

GOOD GOD!

Green Tea Martini

Hey friends, I haven't posted for a long time, well, umm, ahh, you see... I just didn't want to. It felt too much like work and I am the boss of this blog!... so there! I cooked all sorts of amazing things, I even wrote things down and took some pictures but.... I guess the tyranny of the grind of life had me down for a little while. I think I am a little better now. Work hasn't been quite so busy and I have recovered from the Christmas psychosis (which did include the traditional Pallister family celebration turducken. I promise to tell you more about that later. Remind me.) Having said that, I have managed to take some time off and relax. So tonight I whipped up some tasty beverages for me and my hot wife, Joanna, and I thought that I would share my not so secret recipe with you. Joanna calls it the Kimono Remover because... well, um, ah, actually... Nevermind why she calls it that. That is none of your business, so lets move on to the recipe, shall we?

the Kimono Remover
1 cup strong brewed green tea
1 teaspoon fresh ginger, grated
juice of 1 lime (save zest and a few slices for garnish)
2 - 4 shots sake according to taste
1 tablespoon simple syrup
lots of ice/ cocktail shaker/ martini glasses

Brew green tea with fresh ginger. Cool tea and chill shaker and glasses. Once tea is cool, combine in shaker with other ingredients. Shake, baby, shake. Shake it like your butt is on fire. Or if that doesn't work pretend that you are having a seizure. Or you could crank some Sigue Sigue Sputnik and pogo until you drop and are bleeding. By that time the drink should be sufficiently mixed.

Strain into chilled glasses and garnish with lime slice and zest.
Kampai!

Belicia joins our family

At the end of the summer Joanna and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, and our awesome friends Ang and Leigh got all our other amazing friends to pitch in to buy us a new computer (the screen died on our old one).
But not just any computer... A BRAND NEW MACBOOK PRO! Her name is Belicia, which means "dedicated to God." Needless to say, we feel incredibly blessed and we have the greatest friends in the world. I thought that you might like to watch this... (it was made on the new computer)

New Kilt!

So as you all know, I entered a video contest this summer with some of my buddies to make a commercial for Utilikilts and I won a mess o' kilt in exchange for my excellent video. Today, the last of my kilt booty arrived in the mail... a special limited edition Mockumercial kilt (only 17 of them exist in the entire world). And the best part is yours truly is silk screened right on the front.
Word to your entire extended family.