Assemble your turducken like a mad scientist.

Once your stuffing is done it is time to start playing with the splayed bird carcasses. Pull your birds out of the brine and thoroughly rinse them under cold running water. It is of utmost importance that you do not fudge this step or your finished turducken will be disgustingly salty. It is also important not to add any salt to any part of the turducken process after you have rinsed.

Spread the spatchcocked turkey flat out on your work surface. Smear on a layer of one type of your yummy stuffing. Lay the duck down on top of that. Add another layer of a different stuffing. Then lay out the chicken and put a layer of your last stuffing on top of that. It is important to remember the burrito rule...

Thou shalt not overstuff or extreme messiness shalt visit thine plate like locusts to your fields (or spam to your Hotmail).

Put your extra stuffing back in the fridge and warm it up in the oven just before the feast begins. For this next part you are either going to need the help of some friends or grow another two arms. I recommend enlisting some friends.

One of you is going to fold the turkey up with everything inside and hold it closed. The other person is going to grab a needle and some cotton thread and stitch this culinary Frankenstein up so that it resembles an actual turkey. Patience, a steady hand, and good light is the key here. Surgery training is optional but extremely helpful.


While you are sewing up the beast, try to stitch through as much meat as you can so that the stitches don't rip out of the turkey skin under the pressure of all that compressed stuffing. If you manage to pull this off, you will be rewarded with a delicious looking fat, juicy bird like this...

If it is 1 a.m. Christmas Eve (speaking from my personal experience), put the Frankenbird back in the cooler/fridge to keep everything foodsafe and go to bed because you will be getting up in 4 hours to put this sucker in the oven.