Turducken Brine

OK. Here it is. With the holidays bearing down on us like that 18 wheeler in "Enter Sandman" I thought it was time that I shared with you how to work the ultimate poultry mojo.

1 word, 3 birds. Tur. Duck. En.

(That's a deboned turkey stuffed with a deboned duck and chicken, along with 3 different layers of stuffing for those of you not in the know.)

First you must defrost. Get a big Coleman cooler and put the frozen birds in there and cover with cold water. Change the water every 8 hours and in 1 - 2 days you will have unthawed birds. Make sure to keep the temperature in there cool so that no one dies of samonella. Once the birds are thawed, empty and wash out cooler. Get a bunch of empty 4 litre (1 gallon for all my American friends) milk jugs and 2 litre pop bottles, fill them almost to the top with water, and freeze them for the next step.

Now it is time to get your brine on. Even if you are not up to the challenge of the turducken, you should definately master the art of the brine. This one secret will forever banish the feared flavourless fowl from your family festivities. For a complete scientific explanation of brining, check it out here.

Enough chit chat, it is time to whip up a batch of Wade's Happy Holiday Brine. You will need...

• 1 entire box of kosher salt
• 2 cups sugar
• 1 2 lb bag cooking onions
• 1 bunch parsley
• 2 heads fresh garlic
• 2 cups vinegar
• 2 cans cheap frozen apple juice concentrate
• 1 can frozen cranberry juice concentrate
• 1/2 cup pepper
  

Dissolve salt and sugar in boiling water. Cool down. Add all the rest of the ingredients into a food processor or blender and goo-ify. Dump blender contents and salt / sugar solution into cooler. Mix.



Put at least 2 frozen milk jugs into the cooler. These serve 2 purposes. One, it keeps the brine and the birds at food safe temperatures. Two, they occupy cooler room so that you don't have to dilute your brine so that you have enough liquid to cover the birds. Cram in the birds and add just enough water to cover all the birds. Use a few frozen pop bottles to help submerge the birds. Let brine for at least 24 hours.



Stay tuned for... Spatchcocking! Heh, heh, heh, heh... I just said "spatchcock"